mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
