I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
