sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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