So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
