I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
