you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
