Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
