i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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