I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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