she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He passed out mid-signature
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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