He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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