Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
