drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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