every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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