Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
