Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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