I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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