I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
