since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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