Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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