My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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