Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
