i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
