oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
