Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
be right there i have to get my cape
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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