I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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