he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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