I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
