and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
