mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
