my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
