Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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