I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
