Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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