..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
