i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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