Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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