Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
