i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
