I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
