his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
