Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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