I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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