): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
