Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
