Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
