I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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