he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
