It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
