sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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