You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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