Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
