I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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